Tired of being ignored by the kids and emasculated by the wife? Beat the hell of transient with your new baton. Suffering from little penis syndrome; feel like a man as you wrap your hands around that big, big gun. Anal retentive; polish your desk nameplate or badge to a high, glossy sheen. Obsessive compulsive; scrutinize over and shred as many civil complaints as you can. Corpulent; what more perfect fit to complement your uselessness than case worker. Greedy; master collections investigator. Flagrant; abusive adversarial advocacy positions await. Pompous…well, trade in that swagger stick for your very own gavel.